The Avengers

Today we went and saw the Avengers in 3D IMAX with Kyle’s brother. I love IMAX theatres. The movie was not my choice but it was soo good. Usually I’m not into action movies but ever since Kyle and I started dating I’m getting used to them.

When I got home, I wasn’t that hungry but I knew I should atleast eat a little snack

I ate half that. I just didn’t have the appetite. I lounged around a little bit because my stomach was a little upset and then by 6:30 I knew I should eat dinner even though I wasn’t very hungry still. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. But I had this

It was vegetables, a falafel ball and some chicken. The falafel ball from Costco was good, but a little dry. I don’t know if I would buy them again. Any suggestions as to what to combine them with? I ate about one or two pieces of chicken and all of the vegetables and falafel ball. Right after dinner, Kyle called and really wanted to go for ice cream. Of course I was soo down. Instantly my stomach felt better! 😉
So we went to this place a town over called Cone Cottage and I ordered a blaster which is like a blizzard from DQ and in it I had a mix of lemon and cheesecake ice cream with pecans. Kyle ordered a mixture of banana split and butterfinger. I tried his and it was soo sweet. He finished his before we even got home!

Now we’re back home relaxing about to go and hang with some friends.

Have a good night!

Do you have any favorite local ice cream shops you like to go to? What’s your favorite thing to order?

I really like Zarlengo’s and of course I order the gelato.


Giving in

So I gave in yesterday. I couldn’t stand the fact of knowing that I would be by myself. Alone, for over a week. What was I supposed to do? So I decided to pack up real quick (by real quick I mean I packed within two hours). I thought it was pretty good time considering I packed almost all of my summer clothes, shoes, makeup and food from my apartment. Here are a few pics of the mess.

This is what I managed to pack up.

This was his pile.

And then we were off. The three hour drive back to Chicago. I stopped and grabbed some passion fruit iced tea from Starbucks before we headed onto the highway. I ate a raw revolution 100 calorie bar yesterday also during our drive. So when we arrived home, needless to say, me and kyle were STARVING to say the least. Good thing my parents were prepared for our hungry bodies. She prepared her famous meatloaf! I’m sorry I have no pictures. It was all scarfed down by the time I thought about it. My dad made his famour mashed potatoes. They are the best! And we also had corn, carrots, and peas. We shared this meal all together, and it was nice because my sister, her husband, and my nephew came too! I was so pleasantly surprised!

Afterwards Kyle left to go get in his run with his best friend and my mom and I caught up. Our conversations are always great. She always gives the best advice. My mom showed me her new ceramic mold she had bought in Ohio and we just talked about my next year down at school. I will be living with my best friend from home, but recently we’ve been getting in little tiffs. I hope everything works out.

I mentioned to Kyle I wanted Italian gelato from one of the little Italian ice cream shops in town. He remembered and we went! I’m so sorry no picture again! ugh I suck I know… but I ordered cookies and cream (my fav) coffee and blackberry cheesecake. It was delicious and hit the spot!

I may be going back tonight with my sister because she didn’t get to go last night because of school! I will snap a picture tonight if we end up going. The chances are looking pretty good!


What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Have you ever tried gelato?

New new new

So I’ve been a horrible bloggie! But, I’ve decided to pick it up again. I miss blogging and letting everything out. Since, summer is near I will have more than enough time to blog even though I’m taking two summer courses! I’m hoping to re-vamp the blog a bit. But, I can’t remember how to do certain things, so I’ll be learning this all over again! But, that’s okay! If any of you want to teach me how to add links on the page it would be greatly appreciated! 🙂

Howie’s First Birthday

So I know I’ve been MIA. I’ve just been trying to enjoy life as much as I can. Let’s have a recap of some things. Lately, Kyle and I have been connected at the hip which makes me super happy. He told me he loved me the other night before we went to sleep. I’m so happy with him. Regarding my eating disorder, I have been trying not to think about it and when I do I just try and distract myself with a book or magazine that doesn’t have anything to do with food like cosmo. I feel like it’s working to a certain point. I feel like i’m just trying to hide a serious problem and below the surface the problem is still huge and lurking. But I”M TRYING. Trying not to get as anxious when I go out to eat or not know what kind of food is going to be at a party. I still need help though and I’m looking into it. My best friend is helping me thank God for her.
Also in the works…as you know I came home from U of I because I couldn’t handle change. Well, hopefully I start to handle it better because starting spring semester of 2012 I will be attending EIU and hopefully living with Kyle. I can’t wait. My mom is making my dishes for my kitchen now. I will upload pics of what my apartment will look like and how I will decorate. I’m really excited and can’t wait!
Sorry if this writing is all over the place I just have so much to write! LOL

So Saturday was Howie’s first birthday, my Godson. It was Fabulous for a lot of reasons! First was because it was his first birthday and he looked freaking adorable but also because it was the first time that Kyle had met my family. This made me so happy. He fit right in…

as you can tell…This is my aunt Barb and Kyle being crazy!

I really loved how he interacted and mingled with everyone. He talked to my grandpa for two hours about history and life in general. Two things that both my grandfather and Kyle love. It was really nice.

I was hoping Howie would smash his face in the cake my sister made, but it seemed like he was more scared of it than anything, but after staring at it for a while and all of us cheering he started to dig in!

The night went amazing and here are some of the desserts that were there…
ALL the beautiful cupcakes were made by my sister and also his smash cake! She’s going into business!

Some recent eats from the past week:

Have a good monday everyone! 🙂

Not the best pic of me but it was the only one of us that looked presentable! I wish you could see my eyes though! Oh well!

My July 4th!

Yesterday was awesome minus a few points that I will get to. Yesterday I did my first 5k! My time was 32:25. I thought that was pretty awesome considering I hadn’t run in so long! The last mile was ALL steep hills so I almost vomited 20 feet before the finish line but I quickly grabbed a bottle of water and found my cousins. I probably should have trained for it or at least started running before! LOL But I am ADDICTED! It was such a feeling of accomplishment and I loved all the energy everyone had and was such a positive experience! I want to win a medal next time! The boy who won the race clocked in at 15:08. I was like whoa! By about ten o’clock we were home and I was hungry so I made some chocolate shakelogy, cleaned my room and headed to my friend’s house to pick up a dress for the evening. I then left there and went home and took a power nap then got ready for the evening! I wish I got some pictures of what I was wearing but I have to wait for my sister to upload her pics! That may take a while! lOL I wore a blue and white fitted dress! It was so cute! 🙂 So now I will tell you about my not so happy moments…
My best friend Laurie arrived hungry like always and started to annoy me because she was hovering over my mom waiting for food. I was like “Laurie calm down!” My mom hates hoverers! lol So then she comes to me and grabs my stomach and says “are you three months pregnant?” I mean REALLY?! How rude is that! What kind of best friend does that? She knows about my body issues and still persistently puts my body down! So I replied, “well what are you 25 months prego?” She is by no means skinny. She is 5’10 and over 200 pounds. She wants me to help her lose weight but I’m not sure if I want to help her. Anyways so we’re eating dinner and she brings it up while my other friend is there too, Braunz. Braunz is my gay best friend. So then he tells me that Kyle and I should be using protection. Really?! What kind of dinner talk is this? Then he goes on to say that if I ever got pregnant that Kyle would leave me. WOW! This didn’t help that I was already mad at Kyle because he said he would be at my house by 3:30 for dinner but didn’t end up getting there till like seven. He later explained himself when I pulled him aside and apologized. But hold on I’m not done yet. So when Kyle gets there, Laurie ( supposed to be one of my best friend, I’ve known her for 15 years) decides she is gonna be all over him. At first I didn’t notice because I was helping my mom but then my mom and aunt pointed it out to me. I was like wow if I ever did that to her now ex-boyfriend (they just broke up, she cheated) what a surprise, she would have flipped her shi*. So I pulled her aside and talked to her about it. I’m just still in awe at the way she’s been acting lately. I don’t know how much longer I will be friends with her, she has changed and not in a good way.
On a good note the fireworks were amazing and made my night! Everyone went home around eleven and Kyle and I were in bed by 12! I know we’re old people! LOL Hope everyone has a good day! Here is my plate from fourth of July!

This was chicken, BBQ sauce and ketchup, potatoes and onions (hey, I needed to refuel after my 5k) x) , baked broccoli, and salad and for dessert I had a non-pictured bowl of fruit.

And this was my breakfast this morning. 1/2 cup wheat flakes 1/4 cup fiber one 1/2 banana a few blueberries and some milk! 🙂

Have a wonderful day everyone!


So lately I have been hanging out with my friends for a change and not being totally and completely secluded and to myself. I like it! I didn’t realize how much I have missed my friends and how much I have missed being apart of their lives. I feel like I have missed so much. I feel kind of guilty and a little selfish for it.
Last night we all hung out and of course drank. I feel like complete poop today but I ate an egg sandwich and am feeling a little better now. I saw one of my best friends last night and I was so happy to see her! She lives 20 minutes away now so we rarely see eachother because we are both so busy. She’s very close to my heart and yesterday while I was a little intoxicated, I spoke of my eating disorder with her. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest because now atleast someone knows. I told her I need help and she’s willing to go with me anywhere to seek it. It makes me so happy that I will finally get my life back and everything I have been missing out on! It makes me sad to think I have let it get this far. I thought I could stop at anytime, but now I know that I depend on it now whether I’m happy or sad. It’s my go-to coping method. I’m ready to let go of my past and embrace my future of unending possibilities. Hey, I’m only nineteen! I hope I can remain strong in my recovery process!
On a lighter note…It’s fourth of july weekend! YAY! As I write this I already feel the anxiety as to how much I am going to eat and what it is I will eat.

How do you stay healthy at parties?
Have you ever gone through the recovery process from an addiction or disorder? What was your experience with that?

I know I’ve been a bad blogger about my food but here are some pictures from throughout the week of what I have been eating.

I must confess…

I decided if I’m going to have this blog, I have to be truthful to my readers. So let me begin by saying I am in no way “normal” about food. It really began my senior year of high school. I had always been self conscious since I was a little girl, mostly because I had size B boobs in third grade. I was still a little girl, yet with womanly parts. Developing early and growing larger by the year made it very difficult for me mentally considering I was still a child. Men started to look at me in a different way and it made me uncomfortable. I still just wanted to play babies! By my junior year of high school my boobs had gotten out of control. I remember having size J boobs. I was 127 lbs. but all BOOB! I had a very athletic body and lived life to the fullest! I can’t tell you how much I miss those days. Since then a lot has changed! The beginning of my senior year was traumatic for me. Kyle and I had been dating junior year and he broke up with me that summer to go to France for a month so when we went back to school I saw him EVERYDAY. Not only did I just see him but I saw him and 384189347 other girls flirt with him and he flirt back and him date other girls. It was torture for me. So in September I decided I needed to do something. I remember he told me one time that if I lost five pounds he would give me five dollars. So one day after dinner I felt the urge to purge. Mind you I had never done this before, but my best friend was bulimic and showed me how one day so I knew it worked. (just writing this all out makes me a little sick) So I tried and succeeded. I felt better after my first time and felt so in control. I told myself I would only do this when I felt like I had splurged too much. Well, that never happened. I started doing it EVERYDAY. I wasn’t bingeing or eating a lot by any means I just liked the feeling of having an empty stomach, it gave me rather a high. By December I was doing it everyday two or more times a day. I was bingeing now. I would eat nothing then binge on whatever I could find and throw everything up. I would make sure I did. By February I was 102 lbs. People started noticing and asking me questions. But, what did I do?! LIE. Yes, I’m a big fat liar. I started drifting away from my best friends becoming secluded and brittle. Of course Kyle noticed. Of course he was worried. Of course he asked what was wrong. I liked the attention so I kept doing it. April I guess is when I decided I had a problem and needed to stop so I slowly weened myself off of purging. I would do it every now and then and just replaced my obsession with working out. I became a work out phene! If I didn’t work out I felt FAT. This is where my diet changed too. I cut off carbs, fats and just ate fruits and vegetables and sometimes a sweet potato and some chicken. By the end of summer I was 92 lbs. I had size C boobs. I looked happy and everyone complimented on my looks but I was dying inside and literally miserable. I went away to school in August and my disorder came back with a vengence…to be continued.


*Girl talk warning*

Anyone hate when they get their period?! I know I do! This may be just me but I feel like I have every symptom of PMS to the max!
Here is a list I found:
Physical symptoms include:

Breast swelling and tenderness.
Bloating, water retention, weight gain.
Changes in bowel habits.
Nipple discharge when nipples or breasts are pressed. (Any leakage that spontaneously happens when you aren’t pressing on the nipple should be checked by a health professional.)
Food cravings, especially for sweet or salty foods.
Sleep pattern changes.
Fatigue, lack of energy.
Decreased sexual desire.
Pain. Common complaints include headaches or migraines, breast tenderness, aching muscles and joints, or cramps and low back pain prior to menstrual bleeding.
Behavioral symptoms include:

Withdrawal from family and friends.
Emotional and cognitive symptoms include:

Depression, sadness, hopelessness.
Anger, irritability.
Mood swings.
Decreased alertness, inability to concentrate.

-I become SUPER irritable all week long! Example: One morning my dad was eating cereal at the table and I was sitting next to him reading a magazine and I felt like he was breathing OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD! I flipped out needless to say and told him to just stop breathing! LOL Yes I’m psychotic when I’m on the rag.
-My boobs become at least a cup size bigger which I find annoying.
-I get cravings like no other. Example: The past three days I have been living off of cheesey doritos, pizza from aurelios, ice cream, and donuts. Ummm…I NEVER EAT THAT CRAP–EVER! My dad was like…are you pregnant? lol
-I cry about meaningless things or just cry for nothing at all. I pick fights with Kyle and cry to him about stupid things.
-I get super tired. I feel like my hips get ten times bigger over night.
-I don’t have any sexual desires at all.

I feel like when I get my period it makes my relationship with Kyle rocky because I get super insecure about myself and either become really jealous because I just saw him give a girl a “look” get mad because he isn’t calling enough or get sad because I feel like he doesn’t want to be with me.

I feel stupid for saying the above paragraph, but THAT is how sensitive and emotional I get. I hate it.

Any suggestions on how to control these symptoms without the use of birth control?

Does anyone else go through the same struggles when they get their period?
Please tell me I’m not the only psychotic one.

Margaritas and Shish kabobs!

Yesterday was a jam packed day. My day started at 5 am to go work out because I had work at 8 am and I like to work out before I get ready to look nice! LOL After work I tanned a little and stalked a few blogs then rode six miles on my bike. By that time it was 3:30 and I still had time to do stuff before I went out to eat so I decided to paint my toes since they weren’t up to par.

If you make fun of how ugly my feet are I will cry.

My parents decided they wanted to treat Kyle and I to dinner so we decided on Mexican food! I LOVE Mexican food! Sorry no pictures I forgot! I was so mad last night when we got home that I didn’t take any pictures of any of the food! I ordered the chicken shish kabobs which came with a side of corn tortillas, guac, sour cream, salsa, spanish rice, and refried beans. The refried beans and guacamole were delicious! Probably ate way to much but oh well you only live once right?! Kyle ordered stuffed steak tacos and he ate every last bit of them! For dessert my dad ordered two fried ice creams so Kyle and I split ours. It was the first time I ever had it and I didn’t like it. It tasted like ice cream with frosted flakes on top. But I liked the ice cream part! OH and I got the cherry and whip cream off the top! 🙂
Did I mention it was half price margarita night?! Well it was and my mom ordered a medium margarita and it was HUGE! I may have tried a few sips (HUGE gulps). And maybe I wasn’t able to drive my car home so Kyle drove us back to my parents house where we made more margaritas! 🙂 We made mango pineapple, pineapple blueberry, and peach pear. They were Oh SO good! But boy do those things FILL you up! But totally worth it! We ended up passing out by ten o’clock to say the least! haha

RANDOM NOTE: Currently obsessed with two new items I found at Dominicks:


This tastes soooooo good topped with the nut butter, a banana and cinnamon!

TTYL loves!