Howie’s First Birthday

So I know I’ve been MIA. I’ve just been trying to enjoy life as much as I can. Let’s have a recap of some things. Lately, Kyle and I have been connected at the hip which makes me super happy. He told me he loved me the other night before we went to sleep. I’m so happy with him. Regarding my eating disorder, I have been trying not to think about it and when I do I just try and distract myself with a book or magazine that doesn’t have anything to do with food like cosmo. I feel like it’s working to a certain point. I feel like i’m just trying to hide a serious problem and below the surface the problem is still huge and lurking. But I”M TRYING. Trying not to get as anxious when I go out to eat or not know what kind of food is going to be at a party. I still need help though and I’m looking into it. My best friend is helping me thank God for her.
Also in the works…as you know I came home from U of I because I couldn’t handle change. Well, hopefully I start to handle it better because starting spring semester of 2012 I will be attending EIU and hopefully living with Kyle. I can’t wait. My mom is making my dishes for my kitchen now. I will upload pics of what my apartment will look like and how I will decorate. I’m really excited and can’t wait!
Sorry if this writing is all over the place I just have so much to write! LOL

So Saturday was Howie’s first birthday, my Godson. It was Fabulous for a lot of reasons! First was because it was his first birthday and he looked freaking adorable but also because it was the first time that Kyle had met my family. This made me so happy. He fit right in…

as you can tell…This is my aunt Barb and Kyle being crazy!

I really loved how he interacted and mingled with everyone. He talked to my grandpa for two hours about history and life in general. Two things that both my grandfather and Kyle love. It was really nice.

I was hoping Howie would smash his face in the cake my sister made, but it seemed like he was more scared of it than anything, but after staring at it for a while and all of us cheering he started to dig in!

The night went amazing and here are some of the desserts that were there…
ALL the beautiful cupcakes were made by my sister and also his smash cake! She’s going into business!

Some recent eats from the past week:

Have a good monday everyone! 🙂

Not the best pic of me but it was the only one of us that looked presentable! I wish you could see my eyes though! Oh well!

My July 4th!

Yesterday was awesome minus a few points that I will get to. Yesterday I did my first 5k! My time was 32:25. I thought that was pretty awesome considering I hadn’t run in so long! The last mile was ALL steep hills so I almost vomited 20 feet before the finish line but I quickly grabbed a bottle of water and found my cousins. I probably should have trained for it or at least started running before! LOL But I am ADDICTED! It was such a feeling of accomplishment and I loved all the energy everyone had and was such a positive experience! I want to win a medal next time! The boy who won the race clocked in at 15:08. I was like whoa! By about ten o’clock we were home and I was hungry so I made some chocolate shakelogy, cleaned my room and headed to my friend’s house to pick up a dress for the evening. I then left there and went home and took a power nap then got ready for the evening! I wish I got some pictures of what I was wearing but I have to wait for my sister to upload her pics! That may take a while! lOL I wore a blue and white fitted dress! It was so cute! 🙂 So now I will tell you about my not so happy moments…
My best friend Laurie arrived hungry like always and started to annoy me because she was hovering over my mom waiting for food. I was like “Laurie calm down!” My mom hates hoverers! lol So then she comes to me and grabs my stomach and says “are you three months pregnant?” I mean REALLY?! How rude is that! What kind of best friend does that? She knows about my body issues and still persistently puts my body down! So I replied, “well what are you 25 months prego?” She is by no means skinny. She is 5’10 and over 200 pounds. She wants me to help her lose weight but I’m not sure if I want to help her. Anyways so we’re eating dinner and she brings it up while my other friend is there too, Braunz. Braunz is my gay best friend. So then he tells me that Kyle and I should be using protection. Really?! What kind of dinner talk is this? Then he goes on to say that if I ever got pregnant that Kyle would leave me. WOW! This didn’t help that I was already mad at Kyle because he said he would be at my house by 3:30 for dinner but didn’t end up getting there till like seven. He later explained himself when I pulled him aside and apologized. But hold on I’m not done yet. So when Kyle gets there, Laurie ( supposed to be one of my best friend, I’ve known her for 15 years) decides she is gonna be all over him. At first I didn’t notice because I was helping my mom but then my mom and aunt pointed it out to me. I was like wow if I ever did that to her now ex-boyfriend (they just broke up, she cheated) what a surprise, she would have flipped her shi*. So I pulled her aside and talked to her about it. I’m just still in awe at the way she’s been acting lately. I don’t know how much longer I will be friends with her, she has changed and not in a good way.
On a good note the fireworks were amazing and made my night! Everyone went home around eleven and Kyle and I were in bed by 12! I know we’re old people! LOL Hope everyone has a good day! Here is my plate from fourth of July!

This was chicken, BBQ sauce and ketchup, potatoes and onions (hey, I needed to refuel after my 5k) x) , baked broccoli, and salad and for dessert I had a non-pictured bowl of fruit.

And this was my breakfast this morning. 1/2 cup wheat flakes 1/4 cup fiber one 1/2 banana a few blueberries and some milk! 🙂

Have a wonderful day everyone!


So lately I have been hanging out with my friends for a change and not being totally and completely secluded and to myself. I like it! I didn’t realize how much I have missed my friends and how much I have missed being apart of their lives. I feel like I have missed so much. I feel kind of guilty and a little selfish for it.
Last night we all hung out and of course drank. I feel like complete poop today but I ate an egg sandwich and am feeling a little better now. I saw one of my best friends last night and I was so happy to see her! She lives 20 minutes away now so we rarely see eachother because we are both so busy. She’s very close to my heart and yesterday while I was a little intoxicated, I spoke of my eating disorder with her. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest because now atleast someone knows. I told her I need help and she’s willing to go with me anywhere to seek it. It makes me so happy that I will finally get my life back and everything I have been missing out on! It makes me sad to think I have let it get this far. I thought I could stop at anytime, but now I know that I depend on it now whether I’m happy or sad. It’s my go-to coping method. I’m ready to let go of my past and embrace my future of unending possibilities. Hey, I’m only nineteen! I hope I can remain strong in my recovery process!
On a lighter note…It’s fourth of july weekend! YAY! As I write this I already feel the anxiety as to how much I am going to eat and what it is I will eat.

How do you stay healthy at parties?
Have you ever gone through the recovery process from an addiction or disorder? What was your experience with that?

I know I’ve been a bad blogger about my food but here are some pictures from throughout the week of what I have been eating.