I decided if I’m going to have this blog, I have to be truthful to my readers. So let me begin by saying I am in no way “normal” about food. It really began my senior year of high school. I had always been self conscious since I was a little girl, mostly because I had size B boobs in third grade. I was still a little girl, yet with womanly parts. Developing early and growing larger by the year made it very difficult for me mentally considering I was still a child. Men started to look at me in a different way and it made me uncomfortable. I still just wanted to play babies! By my junior year of high school my boobs had gotten out of control. I remember having size J boobs. I was 127 lbs. but all BOOB! I had a very athletic body and lived life to the fullest! I can’t tell you how much I miss those days. Since then a lot has changed! The beginning of my senior year was traumatic for me. Kyle and I had been dating junior year and he broke up with me that summer to go to France for a month so when we went back to school I saw him EVERYDAY. Not only did I just see him but I saw him and 384189347 other girls flirt with him and he flirt back and him date other girls. It was torture for me. So in September I decided I needed to do something. I remember he told me one time that if I lost five pounds he would give me five dollars. So one day after dinner I felt the urge to purge. Mind you I had never done this before, but my best friend was bulimic and showed me how one day so I knew it worked. (just writing this all out makes me a little sick) So I tried and succeeded. I felt better after my first time and felt so in control. I told myself I would only do this when I felt like I had splurged too much. Well, that never happened. I started doing it EVERYDAY. I wasn’t bingeing or eating a lot by any means I just liked the feeling of having an empty stomach, it gave me rather a high. By December I was doing it everyday two or more times a day. I was bingeing now. I would eat nothing then binge on whatever I could find and throw everything up. I would make sure I did. By February I was 102 lbs. People started noticing and asking me questions. But, what did I do?! LIE. Yes, I’m a big fat liar. I started drifting away from my best friends becoming secluded and brittle. Of course Kyle noticed. Of course he was worried. Of course he asked what was wrong. I liked the attention so I kept doing it. April I guess is when I decided I had a problem and needed to stop so I slowly weened myself off of purging. I would do it every now and then and just replaced my obsession with working out. I became a work out phene! If I didn’t work out I felt FAT. This is where my diet changed too. I cut off carbs, fats and just ate fruits and vegetables and sometimes a sweet potato and some chicken. By the end of summer I was 92 lbs. I had size C boobs. I looked happy and everyone complimented on my looks but I was dying inside and literally miserable. I went away to school in August and my disorder came back with a vengence…to be continued.
Ugh I’m so frustrated right now. I just want to be normal about food. Either I eat way too much of it or I’m not eating enough. I just want to eat like a normal person does! HELP! 😦
Anyone having the same issues?
*Girl talk warning*
Anyone hate when they get their period?! I know I do! This may be just me but I feel like I have every symptom of PMS to the max!
Here is a list I found:
Physical symptoms include:
Breast swelling and tenderness.
Bloating, water retention, weight gain.
Changes in bowel habits.
Nipple discharge when nipples or breasts are pressed. (Any leakage that spontaneously happens when you aren’t pressing on the nipple should be checked by a health professional.)
Food cravings, especially for sweet or salty foods.
Sleep pattern changes.
Fatigue, lack of energy.
Decreased sexual desire.
Pain. Common complaints include headaches or migraines, breast tenderness, aching muscles and joints, or cramps and low back pain prior to menstrual bleeding.
Behavioral symptoms include:
Withdrawal from family and friends.
Emotional and cognitive symptoms include:
Depression, sadness, hopelessness.
Decreased alertness, inability to concentrate.
-I become SUPER irritable all week long! Example: One morning my dad was eating cereal at the table and I was sitting next to him reading a magazine and I felt like he was breathing OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD! I flipped out needless to say and told him to just stop breathing! LOL Yes I’m psychotic when I’m on the rag.
-My boobs become at least a cup size bigger which I find annoying.
-I get cravings like no other. Example: The past three days I have been living off of cheesey doritos, pizza from aurelios, ice cream, and donuts. Ummm…I NEVER EAT THAT CRAP–EVER! My dad was like…are you pregnant? lol
-I cry about meaningless things or just cry for nothing at all. I pick fights with Kyle and cry to him about stupid things.
-I get super tired. I feel like my hips get ten times bigger over night.
-I don’t have any sexual desires at all.
I feel like when I get my period it makes my relationship with Kyle rocky because I get super insecure about myself and either become really jealous because I just saw him give a girl a “look” get mad because he isn’t calling enough or get sad because I feel like he doesn’t want to be with me.
I feel stupid for saying the above paragraph, but THAT is how sensitive and emotional I get. I hate it.
Any suggestions on how to control these symptoms without the use of birth control?
Yesterday was a jam packed day. My day started at 5 am to go work out because I had work at 8 am and I like to work out before I get ready to look nice! LOL After work I tanned a little and stalked a few blogs then rode six miles on my bike. By that time it was 3:30 and I still had time to do stuff before I went out to eat so I decided to paint my toes since they weren’t up to par.
My parents decided they wanted to treat Kyle and I to dinner so we decided on Mexican food! I LOVE Mexican food! Sorry no pictures I forgot! I was so mad last night when we got home that I didn’t take any pictures of any of the food! I ordered the chicken shish kabobs which came with a side of corn tortillas, guac, sour cream, salsa, spanish rice, and refried beans. The refried beans and guacamole were delicious! Probably ate way to much but oh well you only live once right?! Kyle ordered stuffed steak tacos and he ate every last bit of them! For dessert my dad ordered two fried ice creams so Kyle and I split ours. It was the first time I ever had it and I didn’t like it. It tasted like ice cream with frosted flakes on top. But I liked the ice cream part! OH and I got the cherry and whip cream off the top! 🙂
Did I mention it was half price margarita night?! Well it was and my mom ordered a medium margarita and it was HUGE! I may have tried a few sips (HUGE gulps). And maybe I wasn’t able to drive my car home so Kyle drove us back to my parents house where we made more margaritas! 🙂 We made mango pineapple, pineapple blueberry, and peach pear. They were Oh SO good! But boy do those things FILL you up! But totally worth it! We ended up passing out by ten o’clock to say the least! haha
RANDOM NOTE: Currently obsessed with two new items I found at Dominicks:
So this morning I woke up to the loud booms of thunder! I love thunderstorms because they make me sleep like a baby. I didn’t even get up to work out this morning. Now THAT is somethin’. I also love them because it means Kyle gets the day off and we get extra time to just lay in bed and cuddle. Lately we’ve been spending every chance we get with each other and I love it! We’re finally happy together. It only took five years! lol
Anyways lunch was fantastic today.
This was 1/2 C of garbanzo beans, a few diced black olives, 5 sweet pickles (lately I’ve been eating them like it’s my J.O.B.), a few broccoli spears, green beans, and brussel sprouts topped with feta cheese and one TBSP of soy vay and a swirl of sugar free maple syrup! I love that stuff it’s amazing! And maybe a side of ketchup to dip my greens in! I also had an un-pictured bowl of fruit.
Speaking of ketchup. My obsession with it is really a problem. My dad has to buy bottles and bottles so I don’t run out. I went downstairs today to get some fruit and found this bag.
The yellow caps are the bottles of ketchup! And they are the BIG bottles from COSTCO! I also broke out my juicer today and make a carrot+giner+apple+lemon drink! It was yummy! While I was at it I was feeling a bit adventurous and wanted to try a new marinade for my chicken. I put blueberries, pineapple, honey, balsamic vinegar, fig vinegar, and basil. I will post the recipe on here if it’s any good! Here is what it looked like in the bowl!
I hope it tastes yummy! Now I have to go get ready for work! *sigh*
See you later loves!
Because I am new to blogging I thought it would be nice for some of you to get to know me a little better!
Bed size: Full–just big enough for me! 🙂
Chore you hate: cleaning the toilets! YUCK!
Dogs: I have one dog, blue-heeler spaniel mix, named Armani! Yes I named him after the brand!
Essential start to your day: One banana in the morning with breakfast along with a cup of coffee!
Favorite color: Caribbean Blue
Gold or silver: I love them both!
Height: I am tiny! 4’11”
Instruments that you can play: I can whistle! 😉
Job title: Babysitter and Front desk management at LA fitness
Kids: not yet, but I want at least one for my birthday! JK but yes I want them eventually!
Live: Chicago, IL
Mom’s name: Rose–(funny thing is she hates roses)
Nicknames: Lil’ Bit
Overnight hospital stays:never and I wanna keep it that way!
Pet peeve: When people chew with their mouths open or smack their gum! When people blatantly lie to you.
Quote from a movie: “Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It dose not take offense and is not resentful. Love take no pleasure in others people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”
— Nicholas Sparks (A Walk to Remember)
Righty or lefty: Righty!
Sibling: I have one sister! three other half sisters and two half brothers!
Time you wake up: 6 am everyday even on weekends!
Vegetables you dislike: I really can’t get into kale, maybe I’m not making it right. And I hate radishes!
What makes you run late: I think of everything RIGHT before I leave and usually have to run back in the house a few times before I can actually leave!
X-rays: Yes when I got hit by a car in fourth grade.
Yummy food you make: Everything I make is yummy, but weird to many!
Zoo favorite animal: if you can’t tell it is definitely the MONKEY! 🙂
If you are feeling up to it and have the time fill this out for me! I would love to get to know my readers a little better!
P.S. since I’m still new to wordpress can anyone explain how to make links at the top so I can post recipes, workouts, etc.
Have a great day now off to an intense arm work out and some cardio! 🙂
Are you going to work out today?
How often do you work out and what exercises do you normally do?
So today my cousin had his graduation party from high school. Makes me think about my graduation day. I was so excited/nervous to walk on stage and not face plant into the cement flooring seeing as how I wore 5 inch heels.
But more importantly I was scared more than anything of my future and what was to happen. High School was over. My actual life was starting. I thought I would be able to handle college and CHANGE. Boy was I wrong. My first year of college had to be the worst year of my life by far. I was so homesick my first semester that I cried myself to sleep every single night. That’s when I decided to come home from U of I. I thought everything would go back to normal, I would just pick up where my life left off. Boy was I wrong. AGAIN. Everything was different. My room was empty. My dog had to warm up to me again. Living with my parents, again a struggle only because I feel like they judge me a lot with my eating and exercise habits and it kind of makes our relationship tension-filled. My friends were gone. I had to start all over. Again. Did I make the right choice?! Whether it was right or wrong it’s what I did. I will live with that decision the rest of my life. Leaving one of the best schools in the country all because I couldn’t deal with change. We live we learn.
Anyhow back to his party…
It was great to see all my family. Lately I haven’t been going to family parties. Mostly because we have a party EVERY weekend in the summer! My family loves to party! Let’s look at some of the goodies that were at the party.
All in all it was a great party with great family! Now off to Kyle’s to recover from this carb coma! Hope ya’ll have a good night!
See you Later Lovies!
Do you remember when you graduated high school and left for college? Was it scary? How did you react?
What is your favorite cookie to indulge in?!
What do you do after you have indulged too much?!
Hello Blog world,
So today is the day that I officially am gonna start blogging. I really don’t know how to work this thing, but I figure it’s a work in progress! lol I’ve been reading many blogs lately and it just seems fun!
It’s about 10:38 here in Chicago and pretty chilly outside! What a change it’s been lately! Two days ago it was 90 something degrees out! I feel like I either have my a/c in my car on full blast or the heat on full blast every other day!
So yesterday me and my boyfriend? I say “boyfriend?” because I still don’t know what we are! LOL We’ve only been on and off for five years! Anyways I’m sure you all will hear a lot more about him!
We went and saw X-men at the show, which was actually really good! During the previews there was a trailer for the new movie “The Rise of the Planet of the Apes” and I LVOE monkeys but this preview just freaked me out. The thought of crazy big apes taking over the world, meh not my sort of movie! Back to about X-Men, usually I don’t like movies like that I’m a more hopeless romantic/chick-flick type of girl! My favorites are Pretty Woman, The Notebook, Dirty Dancing, etc. You get the idea!
So my mom does Avon and she bought me these amazing lip glosses the other day and I am completely and utterly obsessed with them! I first put the lighter color on and then I apply the pinkish color over the lighter color! I love them!
And JUST because I want to include my adorable God son in this post and probably every post I make, here is a cute picture I snapped the other day while we were in the pool!
That’s all for now! I’ll leave you guys with a pic just me and my rents!